"It Was An Accident, Mom"

Ok, so here it is, less than a week since the older 2 of the youngest 6 showed such maturity, and I'm reeling from a day of kids picking at or bullying each other.

The kids were picking up clutter around the house the other day, and Little Girl, 7, picked up something belonging to Little Guy, 6. He wanted it from her and he wanted it NOW.....she's trying to put it away, and he's having a hissy-fit. He decides that the way to get his way is to give her a swift kick. Well, it lands on her tummy, and immediately, he's scared....she comes crying to Mommy, and he knows his little goose is fully cooked.

He tries to "explain" how it was an "accident" and that he meant to kick her in the leg, which is supposed to be somehow better. He's saying "Sorry, sorry, sorry", I suppose believing that this is gonna get him a lighter "sentence".

It didn't.

In the meantime, I'm reading about the effects of violent video games and television, and I'm wondering.....have we gone wrong here? We don't have any games in the house that shows anything graphic, but we do have some Star Wars games(light sabers and flips in the air).....

Then there's the "boys will be boys" attitude. I start going back in time in my mind and ask myself, "Did the adult sons act like this? We didn't have video games when they were this age...."

The answer is, yes, sometimes they did. They argued, fussed, tussled, wrestled, and yes, sometimes they hit each other. I made the same lecture to them, years ago, that I used today about using words to solve their problems instead of hurting one another.

The tussling went on, but they did learn to "talk things out". They began to use wrestling as a form of stress relief, not for angry reprisals.

I still think it's time to put the brakes on violent video play, especially for Little Guy. But some of this is normal male behavior as they learn how to deal with their emotions.

I've found with mid-childhood kids(8-12), they really need a physical outlet for all that energy. So, a controlled backyard football game, or some wretsling on the floor, within reason, isn't out of the realm of reasonable behavior for boys.

Most important is parental guidance. Not freaking out because one of them hurt another in a fit of temper. But, helping them with new tools to deal with their anger. And when they just want to play rough, just let them tussle around in a safe environment.

So, today, I told little guy to go tell each one that he was angry with them. I told him to tell them why. (Basically, he's tired of being bossed around by 5 older siblings!) Then, he saw that no one was crying, but he'd let his anger out with words instead of fists or feet.

I know this is not a one time event and all will be well from here on out....I've been parenting too long to be fooled into that kind of thinking. But hopefully, I've made a beginning at guiding Little Guy toward thinking and speaking his needs for validation, instead of "enforcing" them with his fists. Amd I hope that the older guys also saw that Little Guy can only take so much "bossing around" and that he has feelings that need to be considered, too.